33.             We Did Not Know

When I first mentioned to Patricia that egotists cannot achieve real love, the Chief and I noticed that Patricia was surprised by the correlation. However, and of course, as soon as I explained why that was so, she recognized the verity of my words. Patricia’s at-first lack of understanding is not, in any way, to degrade her intellect because I, myself, only came to this obvious understanding about a week prior—during my walk with Mr. Lord. Specifically, as he was escorting me off the campus, I was thinking both about his earlier, egotistical behavior in the patrol car and that any person’s character traits, including Mr. Lord’s, become manifest, in myriad ways, throughout all such a person’s relationships. Then, my mind struck by an implication, I completely stopped; and, with deep feeling, I spontaneously declared this emphatic line to Mr. Lord: You don’t have real love in your life!

A moment after my declamation, Mr. Lord, with a despondency, replied that my words were true: he did not have genuine love. (Later, during my Passover meal, while thinking about the night’s earlier events, I wished that I had, earlier, offered Mr. Lord a hug if he wanted one. Had I so offered, I think, considering his dramatic emotional change in response to my words, he would have accepted.)

In this written account, with a thought to preserve Mr. Lord’s privacy, I did not want to mention this very personal disclosure. However, upon consideration, I recognized that I had no choice but to relate the plain truth about the events. This was because the above-mentioned revelation of mine to Mr. Lord—about his egotism preventing his receiving love—was crucial for his repentance to the degree that that moment should become his public testimony! After all, it was then, when he realized that his innermost personal life was clearly exposed due to his egotistical behavior, that he repented. He did so because he palpably understood the paradox of there being, in egotism, no real ego-boost. At that moment, he was crucified!

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

1 Corinthians 13:11

Mr. Lord was forwarded a near-final version of this (and other) segment(s) before publication; and, thankfully, he did not offer any objections.

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